I forgot about the roses

I'm not really sure how it happened...  the mysterious disappearance of the last several years of my life.  Of course I believed everyone when they fed me all those classic lines:

"It goes by so fast!"

"The days are long, but the years are short..."

"One day, these will be the good old days!"


Yet, somehow I still let it all slip through my fingers.

Somewhere along the way, those days became sooo dang long and those years went by so fast, I guess I just forgot to stop and smell the roses.

The last time I wrote on here was 3 years ago and I honestly can't even tell you what happened between then and now.  I lost a lot of brain cells, drove a bunch of kids around in my van A LOT, wondered what it would be like to get 8 hours of sleep every night... things like that.

But what happened with my amazingly awesome little boy named Mac, who has never had anything written about him?  Sadly, I don't remember.  If I'm being totally honest, I probably blacked out for most of it in some kind of subconscious defense/survival mechanism-- which I'm extremely grateful for.

But man, I really wish I had slowed down to savor some of the good stuff.

 

     

Mac is truly one of a kind-- you are never going to run into another one of him in your life.  He is hilarious, adorable, crazy, sweet, explosive as a stick bundle of dynamite, bossy, sassy and stubborn as a mule, a truly unbelievable pain in the butt, and as kind & caring as they come.  He is the light of my life and the bane of my existence.  This kid is something special and I can't wait to see what he becomes.
 

    

It's really too difficult to try to put that boy in any kind of nutshell, but this should give you an idea...

 

 

Actually, scratch that-- this video pretty much sums him up perfectly...

He most commonly refers to me as "dude" or "bro."  Did I mention he is 3 years old?  "Hey bro, is that your beer or mine?"  "No thanks, dude.  I don't need a shower!"  (At least I've apparently taught him some manners?)  He is basically the world's youngest meat-head to ever exist.

To say that he is hilarious is a colossal understatement.  This is a kid who has told me that he "loves me more than skittles" and not 5 minutes later, that he is going to "tear my eyeballs out and lock me in a cave."

But he has also taught me to be more patient, loving and laid back than I ever thought I was capable of.  After years of being so tired, worn and weary, he taught me how to laugh again.

 

I used to be funny.  I used to laugh all the time.  In fact, I was the class clown at my high school.  But somewhere between the 2,358th night of broken sleep and dealing with 5-10 accidents and/or meltdowns per day, I think I forgot how to laugh.  I forgot that sometimes it's all you can do to stay sane.  I forgot that some of this craziness actually is pretty funny if you just take a step back and relax for a second.

When did I become this total stick-in-the-mud?  When did I become such a... mom?  Sometimes I worry that my kids don't even know my belly laugh-- the one that every person in my life before kids knew so well.  The one where I throw my head back, tears roll down my cheeks and I wheeze like a 90 year old ashtmatic man who forgot his inhaler.  What if these sweet faces have never even seen it?

I wonder when the little things stopped being funny.  At what point did I stop making silly faces and initiating bedtime pillow fights and letting the popsicle juice drip down their little hands & faces instead of worrying about the mess?  Why haven't we ever gone jumping in rain puddles? Why have I never had a food fight with them?  I was the best at those!


...Because I'm just. so. unbelievably. exhausted.


Responsibility changes us.  Being woken out of our sleep for 8+ years changes us.  Incessant arguing over things like buckling into car seats, screen time, cleaning up toys & not pooping in your pants when you're 6 years old... changes us.  Raising 3 little snot-covered hooligans to be 3 kind, compassionate young men... changes us.

And that's ok.  Every few years, we will be slightly different than that person we were before.  Maybe a little more serious, a little more tired, a little... older.  But that original version of us is still in there and very much a part of who we are.

Mac somehow finds these little ways to remind me of that and helps me to see this whole parenting thing as one big, fat, hilarious joke...  purgatory for wrongdoings in my past life...  a beautiful, winding road full of ups & downs and lots of laughs... yep, that's the one I meant.

Sometimes, we just have to remember to let that crazy little kid take the lead and allow us to tap into that inner child we forgot was even in there; allow them to show us that everything doesn't have to be so stressful all the time; and every once in a while, when you're in the throws of being perpetually late, perpetually overextended and everything seems to be falling apart-- stop what you're doing, take his little hand in yours, bend down next to those red apple cheeks, and take a nice big whiff of the beautiful roses.